I interviewed Carol Es via email and haven’t had a chance to meet her in person but after reading her response to my interview questions, I felt like I got to know her a lot. Not just about her works but about her as an individual.
How long have you been a Studio Artist at Angels Gate?
Since December 2004. I’d recently come home from a month-long residency at the Vermont Studio Center and the experience convinced me to work in an environment separated from my home and amongst other artists in a serene setting.
How did you first decide that art was your path in life?
It really wasn’t a decision. I was forced at gunpoint by God.
How would you describe your art to people who haven’t seen it before?
They ask, “What sort of art do you do?†and I say, “Contemporary?? Outsidery-ish kind of sarcastical angst with pinpricks and childlike abstracted dreamy landscapes… You really have to see it in person.†Then they don’t know what to picture. How do you describe the way art looks to someone? Impossible. Sometimes I use a lot of garment pattern shapes, industrial paper, sewing pins, oil paint and cartoons of myself and my family. Sometimes I just draw, make notes, or I will make a total abstracted, decorative-looking piece that’s less personal for you to look at, but privately represents all kinds of inner wresting and resolve. It depends on the piece of art you are referring to. But it’s all identifiable as mine, so I have a “style†but I can’t tell you what that style is exactly. …Does that give you any real picture? Probably not.
What messages or feelings do you intend to convey in your work?
Maybe my main message is that there is a way out of pain. I chose art over death, which I think makes my life complicated – yet kind of magical – as if I am pulling one over on the ruler of the universe. I figure if a loser like me can find my way out of the dark, then so can you. It’s a little cheesy to say out loud, but I only hope my art touches others and gives them a sense of hope and joy. This is the aim of sad clowns everywhere.
How do you want your viewers to perceive your work? Do you have it in mind when you make art?
No. I do not have the viewer in mind when I make art. Umm, wait, that is a lie. I used to never think about YOU. Now, unfortunately, I can’t get you out of my mind. I wish you would leave me alone. I take great steps to get YOU to leave my sacred studio space and leave me in peace to create something pure, but you creep in and harangue me, judge me, and persuade me. But I’m telling you now that I am driving this truck of junk to the destination of my choosing, so let go of the wheel and look out the window or just sit there and shut up.
Your bio shows that you are very active in terms of making art, having exhibitions. How do you keep yourself motivated?
That is a very good question. You are really making me “think.†I’ve always had this chip on my shoulder and have been trying to prove something. To who, I don’t know. Lately I think it’s to prove to myself that I’m worth something. I can’t tell you exactly what motivates me. Art itself does. It’s why I get out of bed in the morning, besides really having to pee. I am at the point in my life now where I need to pick and choose when and where I show my art. I don’t need to saturate the area with my work like I did when I was 25. Now it’s more about focus. I’m interested more in development now, evolving my practice, and listening to myself better. Changing out the shoulds with the wants. It’s a life long project. Seeing where else it’s going to take me is a big motivator.
What inspires you to make art?
Everything.
How have you handled the business part of being an artist?
Not very well. Who enters the art arena with business in mind? Being an artist is a costly business in more ways than one. It requires a constant reminder to myself that it is separate. Personally, I just want to be able to make more art. I wish it could make me wealthy financially, and maybe one day it will, but I don’t expect it. I would settle with just being sustained to keep making art. I don’t want that much in terms of money. I want a lot in terms of emotion. There are times when I think I am rich like Donald Trump, if only I could buy a house or a gallon of gas with the measure of impact I’ve sometimes had on others. But the modern world doesn’t run like that, so it’s depressing handling the business part. Art isn’t like selling shoes or milk, and only few of us consider it a need.
I have gallery representation here and there and they take some of the business pressures off the artist, but new pressures arise. Art and business, music and business – these are never happy marriages. But you stay together because of the kids (the kids being the art).
I handle it the best I can and learn from mistakes. It’s most awful when you do things you didn’t want to do and then get screwed along the way. I’ve found that when you stick with what you really want and feel is right, you come out strong in the end even when you get screwed- because you know you’ve stayed true to your integrity. Integrity is kind of a key element. You must stand your ground. It’s hard to do that when you have a lot of sensitivities, but it’s just better to stick with your gut. I have to see everything as an opportunity to be better, even when that means to accept things as they are.
A note: I love my studio at Angels Gate. It’s like nothing else. It’s a great home to work in and a lot more than I ever asked for, so saying it’s great is just an understatement.
More images of Carol, her works and her studio can be viewed on our Flickr page.
